The Opinon Poll (2): Faults and All…

Happy new month and T.G.I.F!🎈🎊

A fancy looking book, with the best cover illustrations and models, doesn’t always have the best story written inside them, as an avid reader I can tell that this saying is definitely true.
In other words, we tend to judge people by the first impressions we have of them and this is more often than not wrong because that one instance doesn’t always define a person. Giving second chances would most likely show you another side of a person’s character, good or bad you didn’t see the first time.

If you are a Nigerian, most of the examples I give would definitely be relatable as customs and tradition set the standards. It’s not in my place to put down any one’s tradition but an open mind and a less judgmental attitude would really take us a long way. In my opinion, it is our judgmental attitude that really affects our growth and development as a country. Problems and issues are always tackled on the surface and little or no attempts are made to get to the root of the issue. It is easier to cast blames or defend our judgements with culture and religion, blindly I must add as we sometimes only quote elders and from the scriptures when it suits us.

Without much ado, I listed out some examples, please feel free to add any you think  I have missed out in the comment section, corrections are also allowed, after-all it’s an opinion poll!

• Tattoos and Piercings:

This is basically almost a taboo in this country alongside some parts of the world, you see a person with a tattoo and suddenly you think he/she is either a prostitute or an armed robber, you haven’t even spoken to the person, but you already have that impression. Few years back a friend of mine who has a tattoo said to me that her boyfriend, would always use it against her whenever they had a fight. He made her feel like he was probably the only “good” man who would date her in the country and his favourite words were, “see how you scattered your body with tattoos!”
I was truly shocked and amazed at how vile someone can be, what makes you the better person with such an attitude?!

So I would definitely like to correct that impression, people don’t get tattoos as banners that they are prostitutes or armed robbers, people do that to express themselves. Express pain, joy…in memory of something or someone or even because they just want to, it is not always that deep. There are millions of armed robbers and prostitutes who do not have tattoos! The same goes for piercings, if a tattoo or a few extra piercings have reduced your value in one’s life, then that is their problem and not yours baby.

• Rape:                                                                  I would be focusing on the women as victims here as it is most common and in tandem with what I want to say. Rape sadly, is becoming more common all over the world and it’s a case that is sadly under reported especially amongst developing countries because of the way it is addressed.
  

  
  
  In South Africa for example, “one in 3 of the 4000 women questioned by the community of information, empowerment and transparency said they have been raped in the past year! The country records 65,000 thousand rapes and other sexual assaults!”
  In America, an average of 1 out of 6 women have been raped in recent studies and in Nigeria, studies are not clear but in a recent study, a poll of 585 randomly selected adults from 6 Nigerian geopolitical zones by NOI polls, 34% answered the question “What do you think is the most prevalent cause of rape in the society?” with “indecent dressing” which brings me to the point I am trying to make…really? What is indecent dressing to start with? And why should one “bad” act justify another?
  During one of my internship programs at the Cool Fm Radio station in Abuja, while discussing on the topic “violence against women” which of course includes rape, some guy called and in his uncensored words “why we no go rape them, how girl go they show us breast and nyansh and expect make our thing no stand?!” we had to cut the call, the crude audacity!
  The whole point is, there should be no reason or excuse for rape and you should be so well mannered that even if you are amongst 10 naked women, it does not cross your mind. It is so sad that when rape cases are reported not just to the police but amongst family members, the first question is not “who?” but “what were you wearing, where were you, what were you doing?” The resulting shame and stigma is the reason why more than 80 percent of rape cases never get to the station and even more outside the lip of the victim hence, the increase of the abominable trend. Penalties for rape cases are not even as severe as they should be. It is bad that rape is justifiable, that you look down on someone because of another person’s wrong doing, isn’t the pain and humiliation the victim goes through in the process enough?
  

  
• Pre-marital pregnancy:

                                                     Simply put, pregnancy before marriage. The mother’s are generally known as baby mamas and oh! The stigma attached to it! The way society looks at you, you automatically become a 3rd class citizen and even your family prays that you are married off as at least a second wife. People think, she is irresponsible, the bad egg, the only girl who has had sex before, every other one is a virgin! I am not trying to defend anyone, or say premarital sex is good, nah! I am saying, WHY JUDGE? Here is a thought…why not commend her for keeping that baby?                                                      

A lot of girls engage in abortions everyday but this one, the baby mama? She kept her child. She chose to stick it out, she made the sacrifice and I respect that, so should everyone else. I see girls who have aborted at least 5 times in their life judge the one who has a child, how is that fair? Just like having a tattoo, someone once said to me, society judges by what they see, they see the tattoos, they see the pregnancy….does it mean that you are perfect so far as you don’t get caught doing what is wrong?

Casting stones and causing ladies to not just murder innocent children but put their lives at stake, is that what is best? In my opinion, get this straight, if you are no virgin (before marriage that is) you have no right to even look at a baby mama funny, whether she is Wizkid’s baby mama or not, because you are just lucky!

•     Dreadlocks:                                                                                                                       We all know the hairstyle, please someone tell me why someone’s hairstyle should define them! I really don’t understand it, the other day, I mentioned to a relation I was considering dreadlocks, so as to grow my very hair out(hair suffers from slow growth) and she said “Zubie, don’t try it, you know you are now in the market!” and am like really? So because of my hairstyle, I will not remain a spinster ko I am probably now the devil’s spawn?

• Dressing:  

Lol! only kinda picture I could think of!

The popular saying goes thus “dress the way you want to be addressed” I am all for that, especially when it has to do with what you are required to wear where you work but again, in my opinion a well mannered person does not look down on someone or rebuke them based on their dressing. What you wear does not tell people who you are or what lies beneath your heart. People who judge that way end up misleading themselves. If you tell a girl to put more clothes on so as not to tempt men, tell men to control themselves! Before civilization, Africans basically moved around naked…and so did the better part of humanity. As I would say, it doesn’t make “indecent” dressing right, but it is not a one sided issue either. Let me tell you, a lot of these so called bad girls out there, they know what society wants and so when they are ready to settle down, they dish it all out, they become very “innocent” and you would barely see any skin. Because you judge by what you see you go for the good girl, do you think you won, does that make you smart? In the bible GOD told a prophet to marry a prostitute, did that make him less of a man or the woman less of a woman? God is not stupid, that part of the bible is there so that we can learn from the story, not choose the part of the scripture we want and forget the rest.

These are just a few examples I can think of, (you can comment yours).
Our society is too judgmental and Jesus says, if you have no sin, cast the first stone! The angels you think you see are in most cases showing you what you want to see! Character is key.
There is an armed robbery and you grab the first guy you see with a piercing, the actual culprit is watching and laughing. These are reasons why innocent, good people are blacklisted and the crooks roam free. In a civilized society you don’t shame a rape victim, you arrest the offender that. We are not perfect, we are flawed and we all have skeletons in our cupboards. Don’t be in a haste to point fingers and don’t judge the way you would not want to be judged. Accept people, flaws and all. One must not conform to your sense of style or morality before you like them, in fact so far as they are hurting no one, you don’t have to like them, it’s that simple, it is a free world and if you decide I am not good enough…it is your problem and not mine.